Ready? Okay.
Wlshing and hoping
And thlnking and praying
Plannlng and dreaming
Each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking to find love
That you can share
All you've got to do
ls hold him and klss hlm MY BEST FRlEND'S WEDDlNG
And love hlm and show hlm that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
'Cause you won't get him
Thlnking and praying Wlshing and hoping
Just wlshing and hoping
And thlnking and praying
Plannlng and dreaming his kisses will start
That won't get you into his heart
So if you're thlnking of how great
True love ls
And squeeze him and love hlm
Just do it and after you do
You will be his
Two and two, menu ! Brian, 22, immediateIy!
Guillermo!
Two pigeons! Right away!
''V. l.P.'' Very important table right here!
Give me two grain!
- l'll take that polenta! - AlI right, Chet.
- This is the one l'm waiting for! - Yes, sir.
l need that special meat now. Pastry, get ready. lt's coming at you.
l will kiIl your family it you don't get this right. l need this pertect.
Yes, sir.
l'm writing it up as...
inventive and...
contident.
- Did the chap trom Newsday ever calI? - l'Il oheck my machine.
ls this a real interview or some cute guy...
- you're setting me up with? - Please, Julianne.
l don't send you men anymore. You have no idea what to do with them.
lt's Mlchael. Jules, lt must be months, huh?
l can't walt to talk to you. l'm in Chloago at the Drake Hotel.
Oall me. 4:00 in the mornlng, whatever. We gotta talk. Bye.
- Who called? Man ot the moment? - No, the opposite.
It's my Michael. Michael O'NeaI. Sounds desperate to talk to me.
The wandering sportswriter. Remind me about that one.
Sophomore year at Brown...
we had this one hot month.
But you know me. l got restless.
So l get up the nerve to break his heart...
and he gives me this look.
Then he said, ''The thing that makes me want to cry is...
I'm losing the best triend l ever had.''
At that moment, l knew l telt the same waY.
So l cried for maybe the third time in my entire lite...
kissed him...
and we've been best friends ever since.
We've seen each other through everything:
losing jobs...
losing parents, Iosing lovers.
We've traveled all over.
The best times ot my lite, maybe.
Drinking and talking, even if it's just over the phone.
Go on. This is so moving. Kindred spirits?
He's nothing like me. He's like You actuaIly, only straight.
l rememher this one night in Tucson six years ago.
He takes a razor out ot this little shaving kit...
cuts his tinger, takes my hand, does the same to me.
- l'm gonna be sick. - He says, ''Swear when we're 28...
it we've never married, we marry each other.''
We never talked about it again.
l don't know what made me think ot that.
You're about to be 28 in three weeks, right?
- How old is he? - You think?
Desperate to talk.
Cheers.
''Digital Answering System'' ''Play''
''Red''
- Good evenlng. The Drake Hotel. - I'm calling tor Miohael O'Neal...
- but sinoe it's so late-- - Qne moment, please.
Hello?
You've been enrolled in the Qbsoene Oaller ot the Month Club.
Hey, beautllul. lt's so great to hear your volce.
l mlss you. l've been calling you lor over a month.
I've been on a book tour.
- l llgured you were out ol town. - My machine eats all mY messages.
Qr you're just averaging 30 days to return a call.
- lt's less when it's you. - l have to ask you somethlng important.
ll you turn me down, l don't know what l'll do.
lt l could just tell you one thing tirst.
This is prohably going to hand you...
the biggest laugh ot your adult lite...
but l was thinking about you, and I was remembering...
this unbelievably insane night we spent in Tucson...
like a thousand years ago.
- You probablY won't remember this-- - Are you klddlng?
l thlnk about that nlght all the tlme.
You do?
But lt's not why l called.
lt's not.
l oalled beoause l met someone.
That's great.
You haven't realIy seen anybody since that dingbat Jenny Lee, have you?
You don't understand.
l've never lelt thls way about anybody.
- She's all wrong lor me. - That's a good start.
She's a junlor at the Unlverslty ol Ohicago.
She's 20. Her name's Klm. you're gonna love her. She's heautllul.
Her dad ls thls billlonalre. He owns the Whlte Sox and some cable emplre.
l've always been uncomlortable around rlch people.
- Sure. - But they're not llke that.
They're such wonderlul people. Salt ol the earth.
So you've met her parents?
Jules, we're gettlng marrled this Sunday.
- Hello? - Michael--
lt's Wednesday night.
How can you possibly be getting married on Sunday?
Aotually, lt starts tomorrow.
lt's a lour-day weddlng wlth all the traditlonal events...
and 10 mlllion people llylng in lrom all over the world.
Aren't you working this weekend? ls that responsible?
The Sox are at home and Sports ls lettlng me do a prollle on Frank Thomas.
Wait. What do you mean, lrresponslble?
Taklng oll a weekend to get marrled?
Jules, l'm scared.
- Mayhe we should talk about this. - l need you.
ll you can't come and hold my hand, l'll never get through thls.
Please oome.
l can 't wait lor you to meet her.
''United Airlines'' Llsten, Jules.
Let's stop tor a drink. You oan take a later tlight.
l'm a busy girl. l've got tour days to break up a wedding...
steal the bride's tellow, and l haven't one clue how to do it.
He adored me for nine goddamn years.
- l can see why. - She has known him for tive seconds.
Plus, she's got hilIions ot dollars, and she's apparently pertect.
So don't go feeling all sorry tor Miss Preteen lllinois.
l can't lose him, George. l'm going to bring him baok.
You glve your hand to me
And then you say hello
l can hardly speak
My heart is heating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one
Who dreams ol you at nlght
Wants to klss your llps
Wants to hold you tlght
l am just a lrlend
That's all l've ever been
- Oan you believe l'm gonna do this? - Not hardly.
This just makes everything so pertect.
Since l've met Michael, all l've heard is ''J ulianne this'' and ''J ulianne that.''
l've never had a sister.
l have this monstrous tavor to ask you.
- Excuse me? - My best triend...
shattered her pelvis line dancing in Abilene over spring break.
- Be my maid ot honor? - What?
Shouldn't you promote a bridesmaid or someone you've known longer?
My bridesmaids are my only two temale relatives under the age ot 40...
debutante sisters trom Nashville who are basically vengetul sluts.
My exit!
I have tour days to make you my new best triend.
lt's time tor you to torce yourself to get personal.
- Do you like the color? - l think it's beautitul.
- lsn't that pertect tor her? - Absolutely.
This is going to be tighter. You don't want those things to fall out.
- lt's beautitul. - l'm not hurting you.
l don't want her to trip, so l'Il take this up a tiny bit.
Would you rather the dattodil?
l thought the bridesmaids all wore the same dress.
Not you. You wouldn't he comtortabIe unless you were distinctive.
What else did he tell you?
You hate weddings. You never go.
You're not up tor anything conventional...
or anything that's assumed to be a female priority...
including marriage or romance or even--
Love?
Michael and I were a wrong tit right trom the start.
He said that too.
l thought l was like you, and proud to be...
until l met rumpled, smelly, old Michael.
Then l tound l was just a sentimental schmuck...
like all those tlighty nitwits l'd always pitied.
lt's tunny, huh?
l need a cigarette.
George, how do you thlnk l leel?
All she does is talk about her and Michael's tuture.
- She's just so dreamy. - Jules, pull yoursell together.
l don't know it l can do it.
You want me to turn around or something?
Not the person l was expecting.
l've seen you a lot more naked than that.
Things are ditterent now.
l guess so.
You look really good...
without your olothes on.
She's toast.
''Caution 2-Way Tratfic'' ''Exit''
- Where is the honeymoon exactly? - lt depends.
lt San Antonio sweeps Saoramento, we could start there. ''Ohicago Hilton And Towers''
Or Phoenix. Or depending on the lndiana-Oleveland game--
Garden spots, all.
A swing ot mayhe 40 degrees Fahrenheit represents a packing challenge...
but there's tine tood and cocktails at a choice ot Embassy Suites.
It's his career. l'm supportive. l've been everywhere.
l want to be with the man l love. That's what makes it a honeymoon.
He's Iucky. One woman in a billion could put up with his shit.
The guy's a one-man festival of idiosynoratio--
You've been introduced to the symphonic range--
Ot his snoring? He says it's worse than ever.
You know that snartle one?
Now it's got this phlegm-rattling thing happening behind it.
Earplugs work.
- What about-- - Cigars in bed? l broke him ot that.
The bathroom's a swamp. He wears Reeboks to dinner.
He likes action movies. He reads over mY shoulder.
He loves karaoke bars...
- and l can't carry a tune. - Really?
He sucks soup through his tront teeth.
That's a trademark move. Don't touch that one.
But he sure can kiss.
lt's been a while. l'm just gonna take your word on that.
After two weeks ot oataloging all his taults...
l made a command deoision that changed my Iite.
l threw the Iist away.
He's not a balance sheet. He's Michael.
Loving him means loving all ot him.
Do you get nervous in contined spaoes?
lt's sweet ot you to want to be protective...
but nothing ever could give me one moment's pause about this marriage.
- Do you become hysterical in contined-- - Except one.
You. You're always in his mind....
this pertect creature he loved tor years.
Pertection can get wearing atter awhile.
l'm not kidding. l had to tace up to my competitive drives.
Believe me, l've got them.
Am l gonna be jealous ot you tor the rest ot my life?
- Our paths will keep orossing. - Space. Ot course.
- He'll always talk about you. - lt's only natural.
The answer was so simple.
l was gonna predict that.
You win.
l've missed a step.
He's got you on a pedestal...
and me in his arms.
My God, it's the bride and the woman she'll never live up to.
- Are you okay, honey? - That wouId be us.
Did she say the wrong thing again? That is so in character.
- l'm Julianne Potter. - We'd be the vengetul sIuts.
- You oan just call us eager. - Have you sized up the groomsmen?
- As maid of honor, you get first pick. - Don't pick the short, hairy, tat one.
- He's mine. - Kimmy's a virgin.
ls this Michael's Julianne?
l'm lsabelle Wallace.
My handsome new son scarcely did you justice.
My husband says to scoot you to the ballpark...
so you can hang with Michael.
But tirst you have to meet a lot ot really old women.
That is, it you've absorbed enough profanity.
Who ordered a beer?
- Let me help you with that. - You unwittingly imply l'm olumsy.
Sorry. l was contusing you with somebodY l used to know.
Julianne Potter, this is Hank and Eric trom Sport magazine.
- Nioe to meet you. - They kindly gave me a job.
- Hi, there. - How do you do?
And this is Walter, my tather-in-law.
Future tather-in-law. ''Oomiskey''
Thank you.
If he gives you any griet, come see me.
- And this guy You know. - Papa Joe.
l told him to make you best man, hut he had to go with his baby brother.
Best-looking guy in any room.
- Great to see you. - That will do.
- Scotty, that will do. - Sorry.
Remember, it is the duty of the best man...
to dance with the maid of honor.
Dance? You can't dance.
- When did you learn to dance? - l've got moves you've never seen.
You're an impostor.
What did you do with my hest triend?
''Ohicago Tribune" l'm stilI your best friend.
You just haven't seen me for awhile.
Some people mlght llnd that klnd ol perlectlon borlng...
- day atter daY, year atter year. - That's what l thought at tirst.
How can you like someone that perfeot?
No potential tor long-range likability.
But then, she does have a tew good traits.
- All right. - Such as?
They got him.
When l hug her, even in public...
l don't have to let go right away.
She lets me hoId her as long as l want.
- Batting seoond, the shortstop-- - What?
- Nothing. - l torgot.
You and that yucky love stuft.
You always get like that when it gets sentimental.
l do not.
When we were-- When you and l were--
- When we were-- - Together?
Did l, when--
- Yes. - Yes, what?
You pulled away when l tried to hug you in puhlic.
l've ohanged.
l mean, l'm not the girl that l once was.
Really?
Any relationship over two weeks l shouId know about?
This is not about longevity.
This is about...
being comfortable...
with the yucky love stuft.
All right.
And l am.
And it's wlsdom born ol paln
yes, l've pald the prlce
But look how much l've galned
- ll l have to - Karaoke!
- l can do anythlng - Where did you tind this place?
The doorman told me. And you are singing the song.
l am strong l am lnvlncible
l am woman
l didn't realize this was a karaoke bar.
This is so great. My two best girls.
- You tolks thirsty? - Margarita.
- Blended, no salt. - She wants it straight up.
- You? - Amstel Light.
Two words tor you.
Margarita.
Vespa.
Florence.
Me hanging on in the rain.
- l love Florence. - And the guY with the thing.
Where was my pass?
- ''No, the pier is tor tishing!'' - ''French kissing?''
- ''Fishing!'' - l've always loved Florence.
You should take her there. She's perky. She deserves a honeymoon.
''lt San Antonio sweeps Sacramento''?
You're ott the road in September, and when does talI quarter start tor you?
l'm not coming back senior year.
Don't architects find a degree sort ot an asset?
l travel every week. Got college hall, motor sports, training oamps.
I think the most important thing is tor us to be together.
Say, Pinky, l wanna hear you sing. Oome on.
Kimmy hates to sing. She hates it.
All right, tolks. Everybody...
my bride-to-be here is about to kick some ass on--
What? lt will be tun.
No, she doesn't want to, Michael. Leave her alone.
Oome on. Ladies and gentlemen...
please give it up tor the dazzling vocal stylings...
ot Miss KimberlY Wallace!
Oome on.
l just don 't know what to do with mysell
Don't know just what to do with mysell
l'm so used to doing
Everything lor you
- You suck! - Plannlng everythlng lor two
And now that we're through
l just don't know
What to do wlth my tlme
l'm so lonesome lor you
lt's a crlme
Golng to a movle
ll your new love
Ever turns you down
Come back
l wlll be around just waltlng lor you
l just don 't know what to do
Like a summer rose
lt needs the sun and the rain
l need your sweet love
l need your sweet love to ease
All the paln
That was just terrible!
''Steakhouse'' ''Park'' ''Taxi'' - You won't be lonely without us? - Desperately.
- Maybe we don't have to go. - Your grandmother's dinner?
As bride-to-be, she's got you on a teohnicality.
l'd baby-sit you, but mY loyalty is to the bride in her time of need.
- lt's not really a time ot need. - lt you're sure.
- ''Sure''? - l'll stay with Michael it you're sure.
- Call me Iater? - Ot oourse.
- Bye. - Have tun.
Were you pretty shocked when I told you?
Shocked? No.
A little.
A lot. l tell oft the bed.
That explains the thump.
You like her, don't you?
- I do. - That's enthusiastic.
l mean, she's-- She's great.
She seriously can't sing a note.
But to make that kind ot sacritice--
- What? Leaving school? - All of it.
Putting her career on hold to tollow you around in this dumb job...
where you travel 52 weeks a year...
to places like Oollege Station, Texas.
- ''Dumb job''? - lt's not a grown-up job.
My joh never hothered you betore.
lt doesn't bother me now, but l'm not Kimmy.
Her tather owns the Sox and cable sports.
l'm just surprised it hasn't come up, that's all.
What?
The corner ottice with a view.
You in a nice blue suit.
Permanent Ohicago address, somewhat close to Mom and Dad.
Never.
She would never even think ot that.
You don't know her.
- But Michael loves his job. - Sure.
Bad games, bad pay, bad towns, had flights...
bad hotels, real had food...
homeless, rootless, lonely...
your copy makes it in one issue out of tour.
What's not to love?
Why would he trade that tor running, say, a piece ot the public relations...
at a powerfuI complex conglomerate Iike your father's?
- That's what my tather and l discussed. - l'm not surprised.
So do you think he'd really accept?
Michael? A job like that?
It would be the greatest thing that ever happened to him.
Present company excepted.
Thls ls what we do: We make your dad a cooonspirator.
Mlohael does a lavor lor Walter.
Walter's reorganlzlng hls publlc relatlons...
and needs a brilllant guy that he's close to...
that he can completely trust.
Then you beg. ''Mlchael, please do this lor Daddy.
lt's only slx months. lt would mean so muoh to me. "
- He'll see right through it. - Only if he wants to.
At the end ot six months...
he will be happy...
settled...
successtul.
Wow.
You look beautiful. Do you have a date later?
Never can tell.
Just the way you look tonlght Remember?
Okay, kid, you're up.
lt's really my father who needs the favor.
He's reorganizing some ot the divisions of the company.
Public reIations is a real problem area tor him.
It would only be six months mayhe.
- Qr three or tour. - You knew about this?
l think you ought to listen to her. lt's her Iite too.
You gonna tell me that Walter thought this one up?
Why don't you start by being honest one seoond.
l am being honest.
All of a sudden l'm supposed to drop out of schooI...
torget my tamily, torget my career...
- forget the things l had planned? - Forgive me tor sorewing up Your pIans.
Glad l heard this betore it's too late.
- What is that supposed to mean? - What am l supposed to do with my lite?
l work in a Iow-paying, zero-respect job...
which, unfortunately, l happen to love.
- lt sounds like a great opportunitY. - Does it really?
How oome you never took some seIlout establishment job?
l'Il tell you why, because that isn't you.
- And it's not me either. - lf that's the way you teel--
Damn straight that's how l teel ! Just come out and say it.
My job's not good enough. l'm not good enough.
- l never said that! - Yes, you did.
Great, Kim.
Two days betore our wedding, you lay this on me. l'm supposed to roll over?
Fine. l'm an insensitive. sexist asshole.
You're hetter oft without me.
You are so right. l was so wrong.
We settled this, and l reneged. That just wasn't tair.
You have to torgive me and torget this happened or l'll just die.
Please.
l'm sorry.
George and Werner are not ln.
Brevity ls the order ol the day.
George, answer thls, damn it!
l'm ln a meltdown here! She double-orossed me!
The little twerp groveled! She's so wrong lor hlm.
Mlchael and l are the same person: sell-absorbed and vaguely loveahle.
We deserve each other. l'm runnlng out ol tlme.
l'm oompletely out ol sneaky ldeas. l have come to the end...
ol my rapldly lraylng rope!
Yo u have got to thlnk ol somethlng!
- Cottee, anyone? - That would be wondertul.
''The Drake''
This is very Marcel Maroeau.
Now, relax. We don't want your faoe coming ott with it, do we?
What a hideous room.
Death by a mini-har. How glamorous.
You flew all the waY here. You hate to tly.
l have to go back this evening. We have a tamily thing in the Hamptons.
You're butting in.
What l mean when l say she's annoyingly pertect...
is that there is nothing annoying about her pertection.
lt is vulnerable and endearing. And that is annoying as shit.
You like her.
lt l didn't have to hate her, l'd adore her.
This is my whole lite's happiness.
l have to be ruthless.
He was in love with me every day tor nine years.
l oan make him happier than she can.
l am breaking her heart in the short run...
but really doing her a gigantic favor.
She would he so miserahle tagging along after this insensitive doofus.
Do you really love him...
or is this just about winning?
Seriously.
ln the beginning, it was mostly this prior cIaim.
He belonged to me.
But now, when l'm with him...
he's just so wonderful.
How oome l never knew that when l could have had him?
lt's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
George, believe me...
it he was feeIing what l'm teeling...
then he would know how l teel.
lt's horrible.
What?
Just tell him you love him.
Tell him You've loved him tor nine years...
but you were atraid ot love.
Tell him you were atraid ot love, atraid ot needing.
- Needing what? - To belong to someone.
We all are, sweetheart.
l'm sorry about that.
Tell him this is the worst, cruelest, dumhest moment to do this to him...
but there it is.
He's got to ohoose.
Tell him the aotual truth?
Maybe not the actuaI truth.
Highlights.
Arms at your sides, please.
- Good morning. - l have to talk to you.
- You don't like the suit? - That's not what l have to talk ahout.
One thing tirst. Excuse me.
- Guard this with your lite. - What is it?
- The ring. - Why are you giving it to me?
- l don't trust Scotty with it. - l don't think--
Please.
You're practically the best man anyway.
- Thank you. - Open it.
Will she like it?
- What did you want to talk about? - What?
You wanted to talk about something?
We've known each other a Iong time, right? TwentY years?
Not that long, hut a long time.
And in that time...
we've grown close.
Very close. Do you know what l mean?
- l think so. - Good. So do l.
So sometimes--
Oould you exouse us?
Sometimes...
people think...
they know how they teel about each other...
but they don't...
until...
until they do.
l have a point.
- Am l getting to it? - Why don't you?
Whatever it is you have to say can't be that big a deal.
''A big deal'' is a relative term.
Who's that guy?
lt's George. l've told you about George. He's my editor.
What's he doing here? You working this weekend?
- He's here to be with me. - Why?
Because he's my triend. He's my good triend.
My best triend these days.
You've been busy.
So all ot this has been about George?
l'm speechless.
That's Jules.
- Congratulations. - Congratulations.
What?
l told him, puppY. lt we're engaged, we shouldn't be ashamed ot it.
He's raoing back to New York. He just came in tor a tew hours...
to fuck me.
Takes a tew hours.
God.
Give me your ring. Give it to me!
When you ask a girl to marry you, you have to give an engagement ring.
l can't believe you're doing this to me. l've come all this way to help you.
- You're insane! - For one day tind me irresistible.
Stop it.
ls something wrong?
l guess it's just the way You've always talked about George.
lt always seemed...
seemed like--
- It sounded like George was-- - Gay?
Actually, yes.
Oommon misconception.
lt is.
George likes to pretend that he's gay.
And why would you do that?
l tind it attracts women.
lndeed. Worked for me.
Big time.
Right.
Qh, my God. Race you to the altar.
- Underplay. - Got it.
l'm Jules' tiance, George.
Just in town tor a quick pre-conjugal visit, it you catch my dritt.
l do.
- You're going to humiliate me. - Only if l oan.
Just one thing. Stay away trom--
George! Oh, my God!
- l don't know why I'm so carried away. - Me neither.
lt's so--
Against God's plan?
No! lt's just wondertul !
lt's so wondertul!
Mom!
- What? - You have to meet George.
You must be Kimmy's little sister.
Julianne's tiance. They're going to be married.
- What's going on? - Julianne's getting married.
- Why didn't you tell us? - There hasn't been time.
l wanted to. l wanted to shout it from the rooftops...
but Jules said, ''No, Pumpkin, no.
This is Kimmy's day.
Let's not take the attention away trom Kimmy.
Dear, sweet...
adorable, ohocolate-covered Kimmy.''
Those were her very words.
l think l'm gonna cry.
Me too.
This is so sweet ot you to come to our rehearsal.
l insist you stay tor lunch.
- No, absolutely-- - Love to.
Love the bag, love the shoes, love everything. Love to.
- Darling, what about your fIight? - Canoeled.
l can tell you this now, but l was very worried about you.
Ahout me?
All those stories that Michael told me were hilarious...
but all those broken relationships, all those men.
It must have hurt going through so many guys and never tinding the right one.
She couldn't sit down for seven years until she met teensy-weensY Iittle me.
And the man of your dreams was always there.
She's talking about me.
Yes, darling?
- How did you and Julianne meet? - George is my editor.
But, Poopy, we met a long time betore that.
Actually, it's a very romantic story.
Would you like to tell it, Sweet Pea?
- lt's private. - Not anymore.
l tirst met Julianne...
in a mental institution.
Julianne was there visiting some French chef...
she'd sent insane with a bad review...
and l was there visiting Dionne Warwick.
He thought he was Dionne Warwick.
- Who is Dionne Warwick? - Saorilege, darling.
She's Whitney Houston's aunt.
She's very good on the Psychic Friends Network.
- lsn't she? - Do you know the way to San Jose
There l was with Dionne. His real name, by the waY, is Jerry.
We were having a sing-along, then suddenly...
breezing through the doors from the shock therapy room...
l saw her.
A vision in pink.
- You don't wear pink. - She does.
Sometimes she does wear pink.
- You do. - I do.
l said to Dionne...
''Dionne, who is this vision?
Surely, she must be the understudy to some fabulous Broadway star.
Look at her skin. Who does her hair?''
- ln that moment, l knew. - We don't all need to know--
We do!
- l'm very curious. - They do.
l knew...
that someday we'd end up like this:
like some glittering...
Doris Day-Rock Hudson extravaganza.
l said to Dionne...
''Dionne, l'm in love.
Could this siren love me?
Are the gods that kind?''
And Dionne turned to me, opened her loveIy eyes and said...
What did she say?
The moment l wake up
Belore l put on my makeup
l say a little prayer lor you
While comblng my halr now
While wonderlng what dress to wear now
l say a little prayer lor you
Forever and ever you'll stay ln my heart
And l will love you
Forever and ever We never wlll part
Qh, how l love you
Together lorever That's how lt must be
To llve without you would only mean
Hearthreak lor me
Go, Granddaddy!
l run lor the hus, dear
While rldlng l thlnk ol us, dear
At work l just take time
And all through my collee break tlme
My darllng, believe me
For me there is no one but you
- Please love me too - Answer hls prayer
- And l'm ln love wlth you - Answer hls prayer now
Answer my prayer, baby
Say you love me too
All right, now!
- Heartbreak for you, actually. - You've made your point.
Get on your plane. l'll call at the turn ot the century when l've forgiven you.
- lt never would have worked out. - Because it was dishonest.
Difterent temperaments.
Look, tell him you love him.
Bite the bullet.
What will he do?
''Be Caretul Watch Your Step''
He'll ohoose Kim.
You'll stand beside her at the wedding...
kiss him good-bye and go home.
That's what you came here to do.
So do it.
George isn't my fiance, Miohael.
lt's heen over tor ages...
but he can't accept it.
l'd built you up so muoh...
l couldn't let him lose faoe in tront ot you.
He could never stack up to the one man l measure everyone against.
This is strange.
l gotta tell you, when You--
When you told me that You were marrying George...
l got this really strange--
You were jealous?
Orazy jealous.
l'm sorry.
Oan we maybe spend some time alone this afternoon?
Would that be all right?
l've been thinking a Iot the last couple ot days, about us.
Have you?
- There are a Iot ot memories. - lt's more than that.
lt's kind ot embarrassing to say it this way, but...
you've sort ot been, you know...
the woman in my life.
You've been the man in mine.
And I was thinking this oould be our last time...
alone together, you know?
Except tor that hot aftair we'll have twice a year.
Except tor that.
l mean, you commit to this wedding...
and then it seems like there's this momentum...
and then you torget you chose it.
You and l didn't--
ln our relationships with other people...
we didn't use the word love a Iot, did we?
Kimmy says it you Iove someone...
you say it.
You say it right then, out loud.
Otherwise, the moment just--
Passes you by.
We don't even have a song.
Kimmy and l don't have a song.
Do you think that's a bad sign?
Someday
When l'm awlully low
And the world ls cold
l will leel a glow just thlnklng ol you
And the way you look tonlght
ls your dance card tilled?
l'd have to check. l keep it on Powerbook these days.
ls that right?
Wlth each word
your tenderness grows
Tearlng my lears apart
With each laugh that wrlnkles your nose
To uches my loolish heart
Excuse me.
- l thought Michael was picking me up. - l said l'd drop you at the stag.
He's got a lot to do. I'm the unotficial best man.
Ot course.
Kim said when Michael turned the job down that there was no friction.
Friction? No.
Good.
l haven't caused a prohlem, have l?
You haven't. Nobody has.
Listen, you're just a little bit early.
AotuaIly, l needed to make some phone calls.
- ls it possible to use your oftice? - Ot oourse.
- At the end ot the hall on the lett. - Thank you.
Take your time.
E-maiI.
''File'' ''New Letter'' ''Open'' ''Close'' New letter.
To: Eric lsaacson...
''Mail Out'' Senior Editor, Sport Magazine.
From: Walter Wallace.
You can do this. lt's easy. Just do it fast, get it over with.
lt's like it never happened.
Eric, l need a tavor.
My daughter's every happiness...
is in your hands.
l have oftered Mike O'Neal...
my new son-in-law...
a great opportunity...
in my company.
To his own detriment...
Michael wilI not...
accept our ofter...
while he works tor you.
My daughter joins me in this plea...
tor your cooperation.
With gratitude, Walter.
''Do You Wish To Send?'' ''Yes'' ''No''
Why would l send this? He'd get tired.
''Save For Later'' ''Delete''
Save tor later.
lt's not like l'm sending it.
l'm just saving it for a few hours...
till we come hack here and...
Michael can see it.
Perfectly harmless.
''Wallace Oompany''
Send out this, this, not this, this.
That's it.
l'm holding tour or five e-mails l wrote over lunch. Send those too.
- Yes, sir. - Bye.
All set?
l can't believe this! Did you try every key?
lt's no big deal. She just gave us the wrong keys.
There's got to be a janitor or a guard...
or a cleaning woman or, you know, some kind of--
Somebody has to be in this huilding! l need a hriok.
What's the big deal about getting this tile tonight?
- l'm up against a deadline. - Me too.
- I'm getting married tomorrow. - That's my point!
Everybody wilI be busy with more important things...
and this is really mY Iast ohance.
lf l oould just get up to Walter's oftice, they're by the computer.
Then l could just e-mail those tigures right out now!
Tomorrow's Sunday.
Nobody's doing business.
Monday morning, crack ot dawn, Walter wilI walk you right up there.
Give it up, kid.
Can't win them all.
Good night.
This thing mean that much to you?
We'll use the phone in your room.
Walter's probably not even asIeep.
- l'll drive you up there. - Thank you !
We'll get the right key, and we'll go back to the ottice.
lt l tall asleep on the altar tomorrow, you'd better be there.
l'll he there.
These are all trom Eric. This fax is trom Erio too.
My wedding. You'd think my boss would Ieave me alone.
Maybe it's congratulations.
What is it?
''Mike, l can't believe l'm doing this to You on the night betore your wedding...
but l think you need and deserve...
to know what you're marrying into.
l received the following e-maiI this atternoon:
'Erio, l need a tavor. My daughter's every--'''
lsabelle, l need to talk to Kim.
- ls anythlng wrong? - No, l'm just tired.
PIease put her on. Thanks.
Oould you give me a minute?
Please?
Excuse me, miss. Are you locked out?
Just stepped out. lt's a no-smoking room.
lt's a nonsmoking tloor too.
Maybe you could go down to the lobby.
Why don't you have me arrested?
l mean it.
l am a dangerous, criminal person.
l do bad things to honest people.
You can make a citizen's arrest. l wouldn't struggle.
lt'd be like getting Al Capone on tax evasion.
Oan l help you, miss?
Do you smoke, Richard?
Yes, l do, but--
lt's a nonsmoking tloor.
But you know what?
You know, my grandmother always said...
''This too shall pass.''
Thanks, Riohard.
l want you to quit this shit.
lt'll kill you.
What happened?
lt's over. She denied it.
She said l was orazy and paranoid.
A bad combination.
There's a big...
brunch tomorrow morning at her parents' house.
She said, ''How could l call it oft?
What am l supposed to tell everyone?''
It's for the best. lt really is.
She was right.
l am crazy...
to tall tor someone l hardly knew.
l'm so glad you're here.
Have you stilI got that ring?
l tried it on, and it won't come ott.
Why don't we take a walk or have some tood sent up?
l just want to be alone.
ls that okay?
Sure.
Maybe l'll go back to New York tor awhile and hang with you.
Eric will understand. Or we could go somewhere...
if you want.
''lt San Antonio sweeps Sacramento--''
l've never been to Texas.
''Brown''
You what?
- Can l try that? - Sure.
- Exouse me. - Good luck.
So thls ls your baslc call-oll-the-wedding party?
l came here to confront everybody. l won't slink away like some coward.
Besides, she hasn't told anyone. l don't know what l'm supposed to do.
There is a wedding at 6:00.
Have you changed your mind? Do you want to marry Kimmy?
l made a decision. lt's over.
l'll go telI them.
First, do you think she's all right?
Could you check on her tor me?
These are the most beautitul tlowers l've ever seen.
How is he?
He's sort ot wondering...
why you haven't told your parents that the wedding's ott.
l don't know. l'm still hoping tor a miracle, l suppose.
How could he think that my tather and l would do such a thing?
l only minored in psych, you understand, but...
mayhe Michael couIdn't commit to this marriage...
so he created...
a delusion...
produced an unconscious, psychosomatic...
manitestation ot--
l'm better with food.
You're Michael. You're in a fancy French restaurant.
You order...
oreme hrulee tor dessert.
lt's beautitul. lt's sweet.
lt's irritatingly pertect.
Suddenly, Michael realizes...
he doesn't want creme brulee.
- He wants something eIse. - What does he want?
- Jell-O. - ''J ell-O''?
- Why Jell-O? - He's comtortable with Jell-O.
Jell-O makes him comtortable.
l realize compared to creme brulee...
it's Jell-O, but maybe that's what he needs.
l could be Jell-O.
Oreme brulee oan never be Jell-O.
You oould never be Jell-O.
- l have to be Jell-O. - you'll never be Jell-O.
Tell your parents. If you're waiting for that ''do you take this man'' part...
- it's considered poor torm. - l love him.
Whatever delusions l drove Michael to...
there's truth at the heart ot it.
l want him to work tor my father.
l want to stay in school, and l want a life ot my own.
Please, tell him it's my fault and l love him.
You're the only person that l trust.
- l'll be right baok. - Thank you.
How is she?
- Knock it oft! - Yes, sir!
- l asked you-- - She admits that it's her fault.
Totally, completely, inexcusably her tault.
Do you think she still loves me?
Love is a strong word...
and l don't know that l'm necessarily qualitied--
l guess l wouldn't be totally ott base it l said that, in her way...
she does possess strong teelings--
Sure, she does.
She's crazy about you.
You llll up my senses
Llke a nlght in the lorest
Llke the mountalns in springtlme
Llke a walk ln the rain
Tell her l'll marry her at 6:00...
it she'll still have me.
Please.
Llke a sleepy blue ocean
l'lI be right back.
Oome love me again
What did he say?
He said...
''Marry me.''
Thank God you were here.
l got so contused.
lt happens.
Got a minute?
What's up?
l have to say this quick or l'll just have this massive coronary...
and then you'll never hear it, and you have to.
This is, by far, the dumbest thing l've ever done in my entire lite.
So dumb, in faot, that l can't. But l'm gonna.
What's wrong?
l love you. l've loved you tor nine years.
l've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it.
Now l'm just scared.
l realize this comes at a very inopportune time...
but l really have this gigantic favor to ask ot you.
Ohoose me. Marry me.
Let me make you happy.
That sounds like three favors, doesn't it?
But--
- Lovely together. - Aren't they?
That's our maid of honor. She's trom New York.
''Floral Design/Speoial Events'' Miohael, wait!
Please! You'll never catch her!
Doesn't anybody leave their car unlocked?
Nobody trusts anyone anymore?
A good Samaritan.
''Auto Memory Storing'' There's just
Too little ol
What the world needs now ''Bakery''
Come back here!
''Shy tendrils of russet pleasure...
began their unbidden journey.
She moaned.
The tonnage ot Years ot anguish, sacritice, mingling with--''
lt is not going well !
Thls is what comes ol telllng the truth or even part ol lt!
- Gettlng what you deserve lsn 't lalr. - Where are you?
I have stolen a bread van, and l'm chasing Michael down Michigan Avenue!
This is all your tault! l told him the truth !
l said that l Ioved him, and l kissed him.
- Thls is what's happened! - Jules, a question.
When you klssed Mlohael, dld he klss you haok?
What do you mean? We were lip to lip!
Was there anything there leading you to believe this chase will end happily?
That's heside the point. We were interrupted.
- Who interrupted you? - Klmmy! She rulned everythlng!
And Mlohael started chaslng her belore he could answer me.
Mlchael's chaslng Klmmy?
Yo u're chasing Michael?
Who's chasing you? Nohody. Get it?
There's your answer: Klmmy.
JuIes, you are not the one!
Now, lor God's sake, the weddlng is at 6:00 p.m.
You have a small, but distinct, window ot opportunity to do the right thing.
''Exit'' ''Oanal St.''
All aboard!
Excuse me.
l have a confession to make.
Another contession.
Besides that l love you, this is even worse.
The e-mail that Walter sent to your boss--
l wrote that.
l'm the bad guy.
Are you orazy?
Are you completely insane?
I mean, Jules, how could you do that?
lt wasn't supposed to get sent.
l just wanted you to get mad at Kimmy.
God.
l have done nothing but underhanded, despicable...
not even terribly imaginative things since l got here.
l was just trying to win you...
to win you back.
But that doesn't excuse any ot it.
l'm pond scum.
Lower, actually.
l'm like the tungus that feeds on pond scum.
Lower.
The pus that intects the mucus...
that cruds up the tungus that teeds on the pond soum.
On the other hand...
thank you...
tor loving me that much.
That way...
it's pretty flattering.
Exoept it makes me tungus.
That part l knew.
God.
l'm glad you didn't get on that train.
l oame here looking tor her.
- Why would she be here? - This is where l proposed.
l had to cover a game in Milwaukee, and she saw me ott.
The train was starting to leave and...
l jumped up on the step and l held the handle...
and without...
a thought in my head, l just shouted, ''Marry me.''
The train was pulling out, and she just suddenly screamed, ''Yes!''
Just once.
And blew me a kiss.
lt would've been a nice wedding.
You can't believe that you've lost her.
You will tind her, and you'll look into her eyes and see all that love.
l just hope that it's soon. Or else l'd hate to be you at 6:00.
Just wait.
We'll split up.
You will go to every romantic place the two ot you have...
and l wilI go someplace brilliant, and we'll tind her.
We will tind her.
Wallaoe egreglous resldence, Mandy speaklng.
lt's Jules. Have you gotten a call lrom Klmmy?
She slipped out, the little monkey, during the oommotion.
''Commotion''?
My sister was licking an ice sculpture, and her tongue troze right to it.
And that's a commotion?
lt's a sculpture of the David.
So Kimmy would be--
She's probably with Michael doing the nasty.
Either that or crying in her nachos down at Oomiskey Park.
- Exouse me? - l had this crank call...
trom some guy who says he saw her in the luxury box.
- Right. - What would a brlde be dolng--
Can you bring my dress to the church?
l have to pick something up for the oeremony.
Don't torget to shave now.
Here we go. Here's the hair dryer.
There we go.
lt's going to be okay. Please, no pictures.
''Federal Express''
l know you're in here. The guard saw you oome in.
Just leave me alone, you bitch!
Who the hell do you think you are?
- Cat fight! - You came here...
pretending to he my friend, and l made you my maid ot honor!
Who asked you to do that? You knew me what, eight minutes?
Michael trusted you, so l trusted you.
You wanted to keep me cIose. You didn't trust me tor a second.
- l was right! - Ot course you were right.
- But that's not my tault. - You kissed him!
- At my parents' house! - That's cold.
On my wedding daY!
- Bitch. - Tramp.
Shut up!
Now l love this man, and there is no way...
l'm going to give him up to some two-taced, big-haired tood critic!
All right. Okay, all right!
l kissed him.
l tried to steal him.
l lost.
He doesn't love me. He loves you.
l haven't done much that l'm proud ot the last three days.
l'd like to take you to the church...
so you can walk down that aisle...
and marry the man ot our dreams.
Because he sure wants to marry you.
So ralse our glasses and wish Mlke and Klm every happlness...
tor a long and happy life together...
tilled with happiness.
- l guess that's it. - To the bride and groom.
Now let's hear from the maid of honor, the lovely Julianne.
l had the strangest dream.
l dreamt that some psychopath was trying to break the two ot you up.
Luckily, l woke up and l see...
that the world is just as it should be...
for my hest triend...
has won the best woman.
l didn't get you a gitt.
However, this is on loan...
until you two find your song.
Someday
When l'm awlully low
When the world ls cold
l will leel a glow
Just thinklng ol you
And the way you look
Tonlght
Qh, but you're lovely
Wlth your smlle so warm
And your oheeks so solt
There ls nothing lor me
But to love you
Just the way you look
Tonlght
- lt's mine! - l don't think so!
l got it!
Bye.
Hey, gorgeous, havlng a good tlme?
Not particularly, but l did what l came to do.
What? You spllt them up?
No, l said good-bye.
Good glrl. l'm proud ol you.
Be prouder still ll you were danolng.
l have big plans tor dancing.
Just give me 30, 35 years.
The mlsery...
the exqulslte tragedy.
The Susan Hayward ol lt all.
l can ploture you there slttlng alone at your table ln your lavender gown.
Did I tell you my gown was lavender?
Halr swept up. Haven't touched your cake.
Probably drummlng your llngernalls on the whlte llnen tablecloth...
the way you do when you're really leellng down.
Perhaps looklng at those nails thlnklng: ''l should've stopped...
my evll plottlng to have that manioure, but lt's too late now. "
l didn't tell you my dress was lavender.
Suddenly, a lamlllar song.
The moment l wake up
And you're oll your ohalr ln one, exqulslte movement...
wonderlng, searchlng, snllllng the wlnd...
like a dapple deer.
Has God heard your llttle prayer?
Wlll Clnderella dance agaln?
And then, suddenly, the orowds part...
and there he ls:
sleek, stylish...
radlant with charisma.
Blzarrely, he's on the telephone.
But then, so are you.
And he comes towards you...
the moves ol a jungle cat.
Although you qulte oorrectly sense that he ls...
gay...
llke most devastatlngly handsome slngle men ol hls age are...
you think, what the hell...
lite goes on.
Mayhe there won't be marriage.
Maybe there won't be sex.
But, by God, there'll be dancing.
Bond. Jane Bond.
l can't llve without you